What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Do you know what she said mum?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Is it ok to be spanked by your parents if you are not in bed in your set bedtime?

What do you mean son?

What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

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Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Why did McLaren hope that the Ferrari pair would pit twice during the Italian Grand Prix?

True - how I loved my mum!

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

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“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”